Friends on the Pathway
I spent some time this evening with Elsie, a classmate of my husband's. We sat at the same table with Elsie at my husband's class reunion in September and she and I had such a nice time talking. Elsie's husband died seven years ago. She talked to me about her experience and offered comfort to me in my own experience. She also has walked this pathway and knows what I'm feeling.
I am so blessed to have so many people reach out to me and assure me that I am not alone. I am grateful.
No Raking
I didn't get the morning under control. I didn't have time to get out doors to rake the flower beds at all. I got to see my back door neighbor for a few minutes and told her how I'd been hoping to get some raking done.
Ever practical, she told me, "Don't even think about it. It going to rain and then get colder and snow. It's going to be cold again for several days. There's no point to work in the flower beds yet."
Carolyn's usually right. I assume it's just as well that I didn't rake the flower beds this morning.
Organize Your Desk
In my journal for 1989, I found these notes on organizing one's desk. I didn't record the source of these notes but I think I probably found them in a newspaper article.
- If you don't need the desk, get rid of it. If the desk isn't there, it can't become cluttered. (That would certainly solve the problem!)
- Get the right desk. Everything within arms reach and no glare surface.
- You must be able to see your desk top. Work on one thing at a time. Put the rest away till you need it.
- Don't clear your desk by sticking everything into a desk drawer. If you can't think what to do with it, consider throwing it away.
- Keep your filing system up to date. Use clear labels. 95% of things filed for over a year are never used. (I can vouch for this as I am going through things here that have not been used as the years flew by.)
- It's never too late to turn over a new desk. (Don't you love this figure of speech!)
- Get over your emotional attachment to paper.
There it is. I'm going to take a good look at my desk. Maybe I'll turn it over! If I get rid of it, where will I put all those things I store in the drawers?
Happy Spring Cleaning!
Good Morning
The allergy medicine last night did its job well and this morning I don't have the problem with coughing and I feel OK. I am thinking that I may have had the allergy deal because I brought up some file folders from the cellar and they were very musty. I am allergic to molds, so I think maybe that was the root of my problem. So now I know that I'll have to be more careful when I go through them.
If I get my morning well under control, I may be able to do a little raking in the flower beds before the morning is over. There are thick blankets of leaves in the flower beds and the perennials are wanting to get started growing. The snowdrops are up everywhere and some of the crocus are already blooming.
Sleepy
I had to take an allergy pill tonight. I can't believe how sleepy it has made me. I can hardly keep my eyes open. I see it's just about bed time any way. I'll head for bed. It has been a busy day, --and a good one!
What a Job!
Spike has a new pot. Spike has a new life. I hope Spike is OK!
It was a hard job. I didn't have a pot big enough for him so I had to "divide" him. My hands aren't strong enough to break those roots apart! So I had to get one of my knives and cut them apart. I've been told that my knives aren't very sharp. I admit that was true of the knife I chose to use. I accidentally used the blunt edge of the knife and couldn't tell any difference from the sharp edge! It would have been quick work if I had used a circle saw, but that would surely have been extreme.
I finally got it pried apart and roots cut off enough to get it into two separate pots. It is not divided evenly but I did get him into two pots. I have an idea that it will be a long time till this plant blooms again. It may take a couple of years. But I'm pretty sure it will take hold and be healthy again.
A Missed Chance
Yesterday afternoon turned out to be really beautiful and warm enough that I could have worked to repot the nasty but beautiful Spike. But I hadn't expected such nice weather and I was unprepared. I did other chores, indoors, and got back to oil painting again.
(A digression: The more time I spend oil painting, the more I enjoy doing it.)
When I do repot Spike, I must use heavier gloves than I used last time, and I must wear them on both hands. Maybe I'll get to do it today.
Comfort From One Who Really Knows
Last night I got a phone call from a friend at our church. She's been a widow for many years. She knows how hard it is for me these days. She invited me to lunch today.
We had a such a nice time together. She served me a delicious meal of potato soup and tuna salad sandwich with a butterpecan ice cream cone for dessert. And while we ate, we talked and compared what's happened to our lives. She gave me great encouragement to know and completely believe that God will bring me through this terrible experience. I know I must never think, "I can't!", a thought which has been creeping into my mind more and more. Instead I must remember, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
I went into her home with so much pain and heaviness in my heart and mind. I left her home with hope. The heaviness and pain is lifted from me. I'm sure there will be times when it returns but I know that I must focus on God's promise to help me and be with me, giving me strength for each thing I must do and experience.
Thank God for the comfort He gives during hard times and that He prompts those who have received it to offer that comfort to others who now need it. I thank God for my invitation to lunch today.
Spike
Many years ago, Eleanor gave me a cutting from her cactus plant. When it grew and matured, it produced a beautiful red flower. Its bloom is very like the lovely, waxy bloom of the night-blooming cereus, except that this lovely flower is red.
As it bloomed more and more, my husband took notice of this plant and really liked it. He liked to hang it in one of the arches on our front porch during summer months. When we had a lot of work done on our porch, the man who did the work brushed up against this plant a few times. Unfortunately, this plant has oodles of really sharp thorns. Therefore, our carpenter named the cactus, Spike. My husband liked that name for it.
Now Spike is so big that he needs to be repotted. His roots have filled the planter which is home for him. He has to be in a hanging basket because his greenery trails down over the sides of the basket.
Yesterday I did the first step to transplanting Spike. I put on a heavy coat and wore a glove and took the plant to the porch where I perched it on the porch rail while I trimmed back the dead parts and shaped it to be more easily handled. I watered it thoroughly. But I brought it back indoors without transplanting it because it was too cold to keep working out there.
Even though I wore a glove, I got thorns in my paw! I had to stop often and remove them and when it was all over, I still had several thorns to remove. This morning I found one last thorn in my finger and I got that thorn out a few minutes ago.
The problem is: I still have to repot that plant when the weather gets warmer. I'll be dealing with those thorns all over again. However, those beautiful flowers are worth the trouble.
Generosity
Some time ago my husband got a deal on flashlights. He bought lots of them! Now I have flashlights stashed here and there, --big ones and little ones.
When my son was here recently, I was working at the computer and turned around to see him with a small flashlight. He was shining the beam around. He said, "I wish I'd had this on the way here last night." He had stopped to get gas and then he checked the oil. It was dark and he couldn't see the slot for the dipstick. He had to move the vehicle to a place where there was more light to see it.
Thinking that he'd picked up one of his dad's many flashlights, I told him, "Well, you can have that one."
He replied, "Thanks. It's nice of you to let me have it. I just bought it when I was at Walmart!"
I had to laugh. That's generosity for you.
Weekend Visit
I had one son and his family with me for the Easter weekend. They just left for their far away home about an hour ago. I felt sad to see them leave but there are so many good memories for me to savor.
We got a number of little projects taken care of around the house that I couldn't do by myself. I learned about geocaching and really enjoyed those new experiences. We had good meals together. And we talked and talked, about many things, --memories and plans. It was a very good weekend.
A Day Off
We have no school here, both today and tomorrow. It's a pretty nice vacation for the kids and the teachers. Some people have to go back to work today, but some others have today off, today. It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day, a really beautiful day for a day off.
Alliance Life
My parents met each other at church. I remember my mom saying things about how the church was started in New Kensington, that before they built their own building, they met in the Malta Hall. I heard that name so often that it became in my mind the identity of the newly begun church. I never questioned what in the world a Malta Hall was and now I wonder and have no idea. But I digress.
The church group was the Christian and Missionary Alliance, --founded by Dr. A. B. Simpson. He didn't mean it to be a denomination. It was really an alliance of Christians who believed strongly in taking the Gospel to the ends of the earth, --missions. Again I digress.
When Dr. Simpson started this missionary movement, he also sent out a weekly magazine telling what the organization was doing. It was called, aptly, The Alliance Weekly. As long as I can remember, we got this paper. Years later, no longer written by Dr. Simpson, the paper was issued twice a month and the name had to be changed. It became, The Alliance Witness.
Still later, the paper was issued monthly and again the name was changed to Alliance Life. And now I'm ready to tell my tale.
In 1965, my husband took out a standing order to received a bound volume of the year's publications each year. In those early years, it cost $7 for the annual. Recently I received the bound volume for 2004. It cost $30. We have bound volumes for the years from 1965 - 2004. One of the things my husband told me before he died was that I should offer his bound volumes of Alliance Life to our church library. Our pastor said they would be glad to have the books. Tonight we took them to the church. They were really heavy! We got the dolly from the utility room and wheeled them into the church that way, but it took lots of muscles to get them from the house to the van.
I hope people will use these bound volumes for reference materials. I am glad to donate these books to our church library.
The End
We have found the five caches which have been hidden right here in our town. We almost found the last one yesterday afternoon but ran out of time. This afternoon we went back to the place where we knew it must be and with 10-15 minutes more of searching, we found the cache. It was well hidden. It was fun to find it.
Now we are taking coordinants to possibly hide a cache ourselves. I'm weighing the pros and cons as to whether I really want to do this. It could possibly mean that strangers would walk on my neighbors' yards. Probably I should discuss this with them.
Early Morning
It's a quiet Easter morning. While I rejoice in the fact that Christ is risen, I still deal with my sadness because of my husband's death. But I sorrow not as one who has no hope.
This morning I watched a small flock of starlings at my critter log, eating the peanut butter-honey-raisin-birdseed mixture from the holes in it. Birds pecking at the food in the holes have widened and enlarged the holes a great deal. I didn't think starlings could sit on the smooth sides of this hanging log but they are doing quite well. They flutter their wings a lot but they manage to get the food. Woodpeckers and nuthatches have no trouble anywhere on the log.
No Worse
At this point, it does seem that my problem is an allergy thing and not the terrible illness that's going around. Here's hoping! I'll plan to take it easy just in case that would benefit me.
Critters
All winter long we have very few critters visiting our feeding places but today there's a variety of birds visiting both the blue weatherproof feeder and the critter log, and in the back of the house, there was a blue jay at the block of seed cake. It's so much fun to see them back at the feeding stations. The only thing is, it may be hard to keep the feeders stocked with food for them, and I really do want to keep them coming.
Oh, No!
I have started to have a little bit of a problem with a cough and husky voice. It's really a worry since I know how much real sickness is making the rounds. I hope this is a little allergy problem and my allergy medications will control it. Hot tea seems to help so far! I'll know more tomorrow morning.
Tracking
I got in on a new adventure today. One of my sons is visiting me this weekend with his family and he's started to have fun with the game of finding geo-caches. Someone hides a little cache and posts the coordinates on the internet and others use their tracking device and hunt for the cache. Then they leave a note saying that they found it.
We found three of them today and it was such fun. For one of them we had to wade through a lot of snow and get our feet wet to find it. It was kind of funny. I had seen a place that I thought looked just right to hide the cache but I didn't find it. We were almost ready to leave and try again another day when there wasn't so much snow. Then my son started poking around with a broken rake handle that his son had found there, and soon he uncovered it, right there at the place that I had thought would be an ideal place. Just as we were writing our note to put in the cache, we looked up to see two others coming our way and we just knew they were looking for the cache. We couldn't hide what we were doing. So we got to talk to them about it for a bit. They had been hunting this cache for several times and hadn't found it. I felt like we spoiled it for them. But they didn't seem to feel that way. They were glad they'd finally found it.
I thought we had a nice little adventure.
The Feel of Friday
This morning, it feels like Saturday but it's Friday. Each day has its own feel to it and it's not a comfortable fit when it doesn't feel right. This morning I ponder the question, "What makes a day feel like it belongs to its name?" It's got to be something I internalize.
When I was a girl, each day had its own identity to the point where homemakers embroidered tea towels to match the day's activity identity. Monday was wash day. I don't have my days pegged like that and yet I discover that I still have a feel for what day it is and today doesn't feel like Friday to me.
The Outline
When I was a girl, I never learned to outline properly. I don't know if it was poor foundational teaching in my early grades or if I'm deficient in thinking clearly in outline form. I really think it's a deficiency on my part. But I don't remember much about outlining in grade school language classes.
However, I do remember that in high school biology, I had the choice to either dissect a frog or outline the book Microbe Hunters. I chose the outline. I was so bad at it! I practically rewrote the book. But I really couldn't dissect a frog or any other animal.
So, now I'm looking over my college classwork on the Bible book of Romans before I shred it. I have very fond memories of my study of Romans. I remember how I delved into it deeply and enjoyed digging out truth in those sometimes complicated sentences that Paul wrote. I learned a lot of theology in that class and I still relate the understanding of many of those verses to what I learned in my study with Dr. Don Kenyon. And yet, I see on these papers that my teacher wrote, "Outline-fair; Questions-good". This was the comment consistently.
I'm not sure now. Is good better than fair? I would think it might be. I know outlines were really hard for me. But I ask you, should I be graded on my grasp of the book of Romans on how well I can outline? Shouldn't my evaluation be based on how well I understood the doctrines which Paul was teaching in that book? And then I wonder how a teacher could know what I understood without a conversation with me.
I don't even remember what my final grade for the course was. But I wonder, if Dr. Kenyon could talk to me about Romans today, would he still want to know how well I can outline it? Or would he be interested in how much I am living it.
And there goes the class assignment pages, with their comments about the fair outline, right into the shredder.
Morning Chores
It took me all morning to do what I thought would be a few little chores. I needed to write three letters that I've been putting off, and I wanted to do that pesky report on the artists' meeting and get it to the newspaper offices and I also had to do calendar announcements for them and make out a check for payment for another couple months subscription to the newspaper. That shouldn't take long! But it did.
There were lots of happy interruptions, and of course I took time out to write about not doing my report. But just after noon, I completed the last bit of paper work for the newspaper trip and I was able to walk the couple blocks to the building and take care of those morning chores. On the way home, I stopped at the police station and picked up my tattered old dog leash. It's ready again to do its part if there's another dog in need of kindly guidance!
Then, finally, I picked up my paint brushes! That's what I was aiming for all along.
Stop the World
I got a note from a friend this morning. She said, "I've been so busy. I feel like, 'Stop the world and let me off!'"
This morning, I know the feeling a little bit. I've gone for days with no pressing needs, no feeling of "I have to get this done." And now, since Tuesday morning, I have suddenly found myself in the midst of pressing duties that have to be done by a time limit. How did that happen?
I know I need to be busy, but I don't need to be overbusy. It would be good to be able to pick and chose which things I can ignore and which things I can do in a few minutes. I hate the feeling of having to do seven things immediately.
Some of it is my own fault. The Artists' Guild meeting was over a week ago and I haven't written a report on it. Now I know I must do it before the afternoon. And I still don't want to do it. But I need to stop debating the issue in my mind, get out my notes and DO IT. OK, that's next on my list.
Animal Tales
At Aquarobics this morning we got to talking about the deer and how they wander through our town. Mary Ellen told us that her neighbor has a bird feeder that she has to tilt to fill. The deer have discovered it and learned that if they tilt it just so, the birds' food falls right into their open and waiting mouths. She gets a kick out of watching them feed there.
I pictured the deer munching on sunflower seed and other tiny seeds. And then Mary Ellen said that her neighbor puts corn in the feeder for the birds. Ah, corn. Yes, of course the deer would enjoy feeding on the corn.
Shaking Up the Snow Storm
Right now it feels like we are living in one of those snow globes that when someone shakes it up, there is a flurry of snow that swirls around. The only thing is, this snow isn't swirling and then settling down. It's coming down just the way we would wish it would snow at Christmas. But it's Easter!
So much for the rumor that we'd have temperatures in the 50s this week. It sounded good. I wish it had been true.
Happy Ending
My morning rescue mission has a happy ending. I just got a call from the police dispatcher who told me that the dog is safely home again. It really was her neighbor's dog! The owner says that the dog will now be kept more securely so he won't be running loose and in danger. That's good news.
And, I can go pick up my very old leash. I hope I won't have to use it for a long time, but I should have it handy for the next time I need to help out.
Animal Lady
Apparently I have developed a reputation as the 'dog lady' or something like that. A dog was running loose at the school playground early this morning. I went out to see if I could help catch it but the dog wouldn't come to me. So I came right back inside, and the phone was ringing.
It was the principal from the school. He wanted to let me know that my dog was loose and I should come get it. My dogs were barking so loudly about the dog running around in the school yard, that I had to go to the kitchen entry way to hear the caller. I assured him that it wasn't my dog but I was trying to help take care of the dog.
A little later, Joey Cornell caught the dog, and he brought the dog to me! It turned out that no one knew who the dog belongs to so I was elected to take the dog to the police station. I got my coat on and took an old leash that we had on hand and walked the dog to the police station.
I felt really bad about doing this. He's a beautiful, very young Huskie pup, not nearly as big as Rusty, but not full grown yet. I could still handle him though he was pretty frisky. I hated to send him to the pound but I kept thinking that we'd find his owner, and that if we didn't keep him off the streets, he might get killed on the road.
The police dispatcher thinks he looks like her neighbor dog and was trying to get in touch with them to make sure. They keep him in a pen which he can unlatch if someone unties the string from around the latch. He's escaped before. She had trouble locating her neighbors to come see if it was their dog. Finally the police chief came in and right away, he took over the care of the dog. I let them have the old leash but I'm thinking I should have something on hand for the next time I need to leash a dog around here. It happens now and then when I'm least prepared.
The police chief looked the dog over and remarked gruffly, "This dog isn't licensed!" But I know he isn't a stray and someone will want him. He's well cared for. He's a beautiful animal and I would think they paid a lot to get him. Odd that they wouldn't get a license on him, if for no other reason than for identification. Of course, he may be wearing a chip, but we wouldn't have any way of reading a chip, so a license is better.
When I started on my way to the police station with the dog, I checked the flower pot in the yard. The apples are gone again. I still have a few more shriveled apples. I'll put a few more out there. Gotta live up to my "animal lady" reputation!
Build a Frame
This afternoon I got to go to Erie with a friend for a few hours. I've been needing to buy some picture frames and she took me a craft store where I got two frames for the barn pictures I made earlier and also I bought the two sides for a new frame for one of my new oil paintings. I have two new pictures but I only bought one frame. First I want to make sure I can do this before I buy two of them. I will need it for the Art Show in April. Maybe I'll try building it tomorrow. Maybe I'll wait till one of my sons is here and there will be some help if I need it. Don't you love how decisive I am about things like this!!!
More Work
Often my husband told me, "Everywhere I go, I see work to be done!" I can relate to that statement. There is work to do everywhere.
This morning I deicided to work on my painting a little more and do it on the kitchen table. I went out to the enclosed entryway to get old newspapers to put down to protect the table.
And, I discovered that the day has warmed up so much that I could work out there without freezing myself! Before I brought in the newspapers, I swept and tidied up and decluttered, --getting ready for trash day on Thursday.
Yes, there is work to do everywhere! But I do feel good about working in the entry way this morning, and I can work on the painting later today. Or even tomorrow, if I get busy on other "work everywhere" projects.
It's good to feel good, and making progress does help me to feel good.
Bribe or Reward
When Rusty goes out to the pen, he always looks to see if neighbor dog, Button, is also out. If she gets to be outside during the time he's out, he loves to bark at her. I don't like to have him bother the neighborhood with his barking, so I go out to bring him in. However, he usually wants to stay out and bark at Button for a while.
But I've discovered a good way to get him to come in without coercion. "Do you want a cookie?" I ask him. He comes immediately with the promise of a cookie. (It's a dog biscuit, really, but I call it cookie.)
That might be seen as a bribe but I'm going to think of it as a reward for coming indoors right away even though Button is out there.
Evening Rewards
Today I tackled two challenges in the financial, legal, on-going adventures along my new pathway. Surely we'll get this all figured out, ----sooner or later. I hope it's sooner.
So, I rewarded myself and devoted my evening to art and entertainment again. I set up my painting studio in the living room temporarily. I had borrowed The Princess Diaries, II from the library and it must be returned tomorrow, so I put it on and I painted while I watched. As you must realize, I listen more than I watch but I looked at it from time to time.
When I got the painting to the point where I want to let it dry again, I worked then on the Easter eggs. I am so pleased that the Pysanky eggs are coming along so well. My lines are becoming more sure and firm. I'm drawing them with confidence.
It was a pretty good evening.
Feeding Trough
Since I've been seeing the deer footprints, and I also noticed that the flowering kale had been eaten down to the stalk in a big lawn flower pot, I decided to put a couple of shriveled apples in the flower pot. I checked the place each day for a couple of days and the apples were still there. This afternoon when I checked again, the apples were gone! That's what I was hoping for. I put three more there. I'll check again tomorrow morning.
The fields are beginning to open up now, though, so the deer won't be desperate for found food. On the way home from the store this morning, I saw 8-10 deer in one of last year's corn fields. They were grazing on something! I like to see them finding food, but I'm not the farmer. He probably won't mind then getting last year's leftovers, but he won't want them to graze there when this year's crop is planted.
The Shape of Easter Candy
Since I expect to have some children here for Easter, I decided to have some candy for them. Today I went to the store to purchase it. What I surprise I had. I haven't been buying Easter basket candy for a number of years now. The special candy shelves were crammed with the most unusual shapes and kinds of Easter candies. Along with traditional peeps and jelly beans there were many entirely new forms of candies.
I remember when I first saw Cadbury eggs advertised. It was on Canadian TV and we couldn't buy them here in US. I thought they looked wonderful and when they became available to us a couple of years later, I eagerly bought some, and I wasn't disappointed. Now Cadbury has several different sizes and flavors of eggs for sale, and many of the other candy companies have their kinds of eggs for sale, too. Well, you can't copyright an idea. They are all a little different while they all have distinct similarities.
I didn't buy very much candy. It was all very confusing to me. If you're not a parent of young kids, or have young kids in your home often, you just don't realize what is the "going" trend today, not even in candy.
Matches
I've discovered that Rusty is very frightened when I light a match. Most of the work with Ukrainian Easter eggs is done with a lighted candle. I've been doing a good bit of that lately. I finally realized that when I light a match to light the candle and Rusty is resting near me, he looks at me, gets up and leaves the room.
Tonight when I picked up the candle, he got up to leave. I put the candle down near me, and called him to me. I petted him and talked to him and he seemed OK about it. Then I picked up the match box. He left the room.
I wonder why he is afraid of lighted matches.
More Blessing
Today I had more blessings. My friend went to church with me and had dinner with me. Eating dinner with family is something we take for granted and don't realize what a special blessing that is till we are alone. Food does taste better when we share it with others. She liked my "mud bars," too.
And I got a phone call from an online friend. We've never met in person, but we feel like we know each other well. She used to live in my town when she was a girl and that's how we got to meet each other in the first place. We just kept on writing to each other after that first exchange and it's been years now. How wonderful it was to have the phone conversation with her.
I thank God for these blessings!
Thanksgiving
How nice that we can have Thanksgiving any morning that we want to. Thanksgiving is a state of mind, not a holiday. I'm happy with my thoughts of thankfulness. Although I am sad, I have thanksgiving in my heart.
This morning I see that the rain we had last night has nibbled away at the snow. There are islands of green here and there in the lawn and there is icy water puddling in places. It's time for Spring!
I have dinner started now so it will take less time to get it to the table after church. I have invited company and she said she would come early and go to church with me. I'm happy about that.
Desy and Rusty are playing together in the living room. I'm happy about that, too. It means that Desy is feeling much better again. Our latest treatment for her allergies seems to be doing her good and this pleases me, too.
I feel good this morning, in spite of the sadness, and I really do feel thankful. I hope to take a few minutes to play and sing a couple of worship hymns before I leave for church. I should look up the Thanksgiving hymn, for one, and I'd like to do Immortal, Invisible God. I should memorize that one. It really celebrates God's character, and that's also related to our sense of Thanksgiving.
Baking
Saturday morning used to be my baking time. I really enjoy baking, --usually. Now I hesitate to bake very often because I don't have the outlet for it that I used to have. I used to supply the snack for the Sunday school class a couple of times a month. The class I'm in now doesn't have snacks. I miss that.
I decided to bake again today. I can give some of it away, or freeze some of it. I have been in a deep chocolate mood lately! So, I made Rosie's Marshmallow Mud Bars. I got this recipe from an online recipe loop. I think there was some problem with the recipe so I tweaked it to suit my ways. The icing part was much too rich. So I toned it down, more like a nice cake frosting now. It really is a good satisfying chocolate experience! To me, it's kind of like making fudge, --it gives me the chocolate I crave.
Thoughts on Pruning
I was invited out to lunch today and I had a delicious meal and very loving fellowship. While we were sitting at the table, our conversation turned to my recent bereavement and how I'm doing. For me tears are always pretty near the surface and I'm really not getting much of anything accomplished these day.
Then Cal told me that after a plant is pruned, it usually goes dormant for a little while. What a great insight that was for me. I do feel as though I've been pruned! And most definitely, I've gone dormant in many areas.
Now, when the bleeding stops and the scar heals over, I should put out new growth. My life will always be shaped by this part that has been cut away from me, but I can start to grow again when the hurting stops and the dormancy is over.
I so much appreciated my inviation to dinner and the encouragement I received in our conversation. And I know Cal is right about the pruning. When we prune a plant, we know what we are doing (usually) and it's for the good of the plant, but we don't usually think of the hurt involved. The One who has been pruning my life knows all about my hurt and is touched by my pain. He will help me heal and he knows just the right amount of dormancy I need.
A Rumor?
I've been hearing that next week the temperatures will be in the fifties here, --all week! That's exciting news. I do hope it's not just a rumor.
Today the little birds have come back to the feeder area. There's still lots of snow on the ground but it is diminishing. Maybe next week we'll see the lawn again.
New Life at Chapel Pointe
The newsletter from Chapel Pointe came today. That's the retirement community that my mom and dad moved to when they sold their home. One story in the newsletter is about the new life at Chapel Pointe.
In the lounge in the health care center there is a big bird cage and there are two Cockatiel birds in the cage. When we visited Mom, we often spent some time in the lounge and watched the birds.
The article says that after almost four years of being together, the pair, Alice and Mr. Doty, became the proud parents of four baby birds. The babies were hatched some time between Christmas and New Years. You can imagine the excitement these babies caused among the residents and staff!
Two of the babies are now being raised by Robins Nest Aviaries and they hope to give them to a nursing home in Maryland. The other two are being raised by staff members of Chapel Pointe, in their homes. The article says that the parent birds are now coping with empty nest syndrome until they have more little ones.
I enjoyed reading this joyful news.
Bedbugs
I don't know why I'm remembering this tonight but I'm remembering when my firstborn was a tot. When I would tuck her in at night, I would say, "Night, night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite."
I'm not sure why I started telling her that but it became a routine for me. When my mom heard me say that, she didn't approve. "You shouldn't tell her that," she said. "Some day she's going to embarrass you about bedbugs." I thought that was silly. The saying had nothing to do with bedbugs, as far as I was concerned. It was just an old saying to make a bedtime game with the little one.
And then we had overnight company, the visiting evangelist. He and his wife told about staying overnight with people who had bedbugs in their home and what a trial it had been to them. And my little one piped up with, "We have bedbugs." I was astonished and chagrined. (Don't we hate it when Mom is right!!) "No! We don't!" I protested.
Pastor Shrier got a good laugh out of that. "I know you don't have bedbugs," he said. "You can't hide them. We would know by now." And then he asked my little girl, "Why do you think you have bedbugs."
"We do," she insisted. "They sit on my bed and then they fly away." Pastor Shrier laughed and laughed. "Now I know you don't have bedbugs," he said. "Bedbugs can't fly."
I think I stopped saying that phrase at bedtime after that episode.
Song in the Morning
My morning Psalm portion today was just full of words that have been made into songs. The music and words that I know runs through my mind as I read the Bible words. It is pleasant and comforting. This morning I read Psalm 91 and came away from the reading with the song On Eagle's Wings in my mind. What a precious Psalm that is. How great to know that "Unto His angels He's given a command to keep thee in all of thy ways." This is true for the one who has chosen to dwell in the place of safety, "under His wings."
Before that, I read words that inspired one of my favorite choir songs, "How great are Thy works, O God." As I view the wonders of creation, in the words of the song, I am inspired to "sing out to the source from whence I came."
Today in my reading I am also reminded that God will establish the works of my hands. What a good day to be reminded of this for I have another legal form to fill out and must seek advice, and I'm painting again and need to remember that my works and my times are in His hands.
Boots
I have gone outdoors two days in a row now without wearing boots! The sidewalks and driveways that have been plowed are clear and free from ice and snow now. Any place where the sidewalk wasn't cleared off when the snow fell, there is still snow and ice. It's still not nice enough for me to take walks yet, but it does seem that soon the sidewalks will be OK for walking. I'm looking forward to that.
Lunch in Clymer
Today I went to Clymer's Dutch Treat with our church senior fellowship group for lunch. There were 16 of us altogether and we went in cars, not the church van. As we met in the foyer of the church, Bobbi checked each person over to make sure we were all wearing something green. My green sweatshirt with the teddy bears (a gift some years ago from my friend Emeline) passed inspection.
We were given a room off to the side, the little dining room, where we could sit together. I ordered the small chicken tender salad. I thought that by getting the small one, I could indulge in dessert. They have terrific pies at this restaurant. Small! Ha! It's a good thing I ordered a small one because it was more than enough for me. I had some to bring home with me and I gave up my thought of dessert.
We always have a nice time together, and the food in this restaurant was really delicious. Sometimes I think it's too bad that XYZ only meets once a month. Next month we will go to Erie for a district sponsored meeting. We always enjoy this meeting, too.
Eureka
This morning I found my acrylic paints which I'd been looking for during the last several weeks. There is a finite amount of space where I could have put them, so why did it take me so long to think of the place where I put them? No answer. Perhaps it's because of my finite mind.
Last night I got out what may be my one green item of apparel. I'm going to lunch with the senior church group this morning and though they wouldn't pinch me if I didn't wear green, it just seems to be a good idea to green it up today.
My neighbor down on South Street usually wears orange on St. Patrick's Day. To him, the true color to wear is orange. I don't have orange clothes, either. The predominant color in my wardrobe is blue and probably next is black, followed by browns. Exciting colors, eh! But they suit me.
Happy St. Pat's, everyone, whatever color you wear today. May it be a beautiful, colorful day for you.
Is It Just Me?
I think I am just about always looking for something that I've misplaced. Is it just me, or does this happen to you too? It isn't something new. I first started noticing it when I was a young mother. I remember when I was doing some canning and I had put a spoon down on the table but when I went to pick it up, it wasn't there. I thought I was kind of losing my mind but later discovered that my little daughter had picked up the spoon. Ah, not my fault. And so it went through the years, gradually becoming more and more my own doing and less the fact that others were moving my things.
The worst is when I put something away for safe keeping. I think it isn't in a good spot so I'll move it where it will be safe. And then I only remember where I used to keep it, and not where I moved it.
I think that I am always hunting something, and trying to remember where I put it. And now there's no one to blame but me!
Change a Light Bulb
Today when I went to the Y for the Aquarobics exercise class, only half the lights were on in the pool area. A team of young men were changing the light bulbs on the other half of the room. It's a very high ceiling in the natatorium! I had never given it a thought as to how they changed a light bulb there. But now I know how.
It didn't look easy. They had a high scaffold and on the top level of the scaffold they set up a tall stepladder. It was hard for me to concentrate on the exercises while they worked at this job. I think I felt that way because it seemed to me like a potentially dangerous job, and one that required a good head for climbing. The scaffold seemed to me to be just a bit shaky. They had to move it to get to each light and they had to be sure the four corners were firm. They didn't have to climb to the top of the ladder on the platform of the scaffold, only several steps up, but the ladder, too, had to be set up securely.
The guys did the job with confidence and ease, something I could not have done. That's probably why I felt that I had to keep watching to see how they were doing.
How many guys does it take to change a light bulb at the Y? I wish I could come up with a joke answer. Two could do this best but there were times when there were three, or four, people working at this job. Hmmm.
Correction
I couldn't really remember what I'd done wrong on that college paper so I just called it a typo but suddenly it came back to me. I used the word "effect" and it should have been "affect." I think that probably was a mistaken identity of word rather than a typo. Funny, I still have to think hard about those two words to get it right.
College Notes
Today I found some of my college work, --papers that were prepared for Sociology. It's kind of odd that I would have kept them because I don't think I ever felt I wanted to read them over again until today. I plan to feed them to the shredder but decided that I would read them first, --these wonderful class papers that received a B and a B-.
I couldn't see why they were B papers as opposed to A. There was no written explanation. As far as I could tell, there was just one teacher corrected typo. They were typical college papers where you have to use x number of references and prove that you can set up the footnotes correctly. Sometimes it seems that the content of those kinds of papers isn't as important as the machinery of the writing itself. Use x amount of quotes and take those quotes from some given quantity of authors or books. When you're proving you know the way to do research, it's harder to write smoothly and really get your point across. You end up wondering, Whose point is it, any way? What do I really think about this subject?
This writing didn't really sound like me at all and I will be satisfied to shred it and forget it. Sociology wasn't one of the classes that I really enjoyed. Maybe it shows in these two papers. Maybe that's why the teacher marked it B.
Talking
Today I had to get a medallion signature stamp at the bank. It's a thing that only takes a few minutes. Someone has to watch me sign the document and then do the green medallion stamp to make it legal. However, everyone who could help me was already busy with a client/customer. There were two chairs for people who had to wait. A woman was sitting in one chair with her purse on the second chair.
When I came in, she moved her purse so I could sit. I hunted unsuccessfully through my pockets for a tissue, after coming in from the cold. The woman took a tissue from her purse and gave it to me. We commented on how cold the weather is.
But then she fell silent. I regretted that I hadn't taken a book with me, as I usually do. But then I wondered if I could come up with a topic that would interest the woman and we could talk while we waited.
I went back to weather, and got her to compare with me how this year is different or similar to this time last year and the year before. It went a bit slowly at first. Then I asked her if she'd always lived in this area. At first she said yes, but then she corrected herself to say that she was born in Kansas but her parents had moved here when she was two. So, she didn't really remember living anywhere but here. She had moved out of this area for seven years, but came back again. This is home.
Soon we were chatting about schools and I found that she had been a sub for cleaning people in our school system and had no doubt cleaned my room on a number of occasions while I was a teacher at the Conelway Elementary School.
We were chatting like old friends by the time one of the bank people was free to help me. It would have been easy but uncomfortable and boring to have waited in silence. I'm glad that I challenged myself and did some digging to find an interesting topic of conversation which became a springboard into interesting byways. The secret to this kind of experience is to not give up too soon. Everyone has some area of interest that they will be glad to talk to you about. Sometimes it's hard to find it.
I remember once when I was in a position of riding in a car with my principal, from Erie back to our school after a field trip, when he realized that my back was hurting. Unwilling to sit silently for the 50 minutes back to the school, I tried to talk about something that would interest him. I brought up many subjects that I thought a man would be interested in but he didn't "bat the ball back to me." I was so surprised at the subject that finally engaged his interest. Art! He had really wanted to be an artist but his parents wouldn't agree to that pursuit. He talked very intelligently and eagerly about art and the rest of the ride went comfortably. I got to see a side of him that I wouldn't ever have known without that ride. Later, he borrowed one of my pictures of ducks because he wanted to use it as a model for a picture he'd decided to work on. I haven't heard of him in years. He's not in our district now. I hope he did encourage his painting interest. It's a really rewarding hobby. I never saw any of his art work, but I think he'd have been very good at it.
Not all of my talking efforts have been successful, but I'm always pleased that I tried when it turns out the way it did today.
The Go-Between
During the years in the middle '80s, my husband and I worked different shifts and there were days when we saw very little of each other. We set up a notebook system wherein we had conversations with each other. We'd leave brief notes about what we'd done during the day, what kind of day it had been for us, and talk over plans for coming days. Among other things, he would list grocery items that he'd used up and so that I could replace them when I went to the store.
I came across that notebook recently and I've been reading through it. It's not a neat, tidy book. Apparently we often set a glass or cup on its open pages and there are water rings on many of the pages. Some of the writing is blurred from spills, but its still possible to decipher the message.
I've had a special feeling while reading this dialog. It reveals the fabric of daily life that I'm missing so much now. Reading it let me live it in my mind a little bit now.
We didn't say huge important statements, nor tender loving sentiments, --but the feeling of love and caring shows through. I often mentioned things I'd made for his lunch and he expressed thanks for the special treats. He told me of little chores he'd handled around the house and I thanked him and said it looked nice.
Here's an interesting entry. April 21, 1987 Marlin's note to me: "This is the anniversary of the morning I went to Erie (1978). I bought the twins." This is the kind of thing that I would never remember but was an important date for him to remember. I remember the incident, that he went to Erie one day, to buy socks. He meant to buy a couple dozen socks, not just a couple pair of socks, but that's not what he bought. He called me and told me that he'd just bought two Datson station wagons. He got a really good price on them, so he bought two! That I remember, but not that it was April 21, 1978.
Somehow it comforts me to revisit this memory this morning. I'm glad that we set up the notebook conversation. I'm glad that I kept the notebook.
Exercise
I dreaded going to Aquarobics this morning, but only because it was so very cold outdoors and we often have really cold water in the swimming pool at the Y on Mondays. But, to my delight, the water was really just the right temperature for us. It felt so good to be doing the exercises again. I think I will never get over the fact that I, who was raised completely apart from any swimming or water fun, am now doing water exercise regularly and enjoying it so much. I often think about that while I'm out in the water. It's true that I'm not entirely confident about it. I have to wrap two Styrofoam noodles around me to do the deep water exercise because I feel so insecure with only one, but with those two noodles, I can go into the deep water and do the exercises that are meant to tone the body. I love the feel of the water all around me. I especially like the "pendulum" exercise. Sometimes I feel like I'm a jelly fish floating around out there. I like "cross country legs" a lot, too. It makes me feel energetic and very unlike a jelly fish.
Artists' Guild Plans
I went to the Artists' Guild meeting tonight, the first one I went to since some time before I knew how sick my husband was. We are busy making plans for the Spring Art Show which will be April 22 and 23. Then we showed some of the pictures we plan to exhibit and we asked for some comments or advice. I was glad that I went but I felt really tired today and I was really ready to get back home. My pen and ink drawing for the note cards was accepted. That should free me up to do more drawings. Doing art work is good for me.
Morning Dawns Bright
If we planned to go out to lunch today, I think we could actually do it. Today it is bright and sunny, though the temperature reads 7 degrees. When I first got up, the temperature was 10 degrees. How could that be happening? Maybe it's a malfunction of the temperature recording system. Or maybe it really was minus 10 earlier and now the temperature is climbing. I hope it keeps on getting warmer.
Here's a question for you. Do you have a bumper stickeron your car? Marlin never wanted a bumper sticker on our car. At first I would have liked to have had one, perhaps from our college, --at this time I'm not sure what it was I wanted. For many years now though, I haven't wanted a bumper sticker. Once we visited a place where you pay to get in and while we were in there, they slapped their ad bumper sticker on our car. As soon as we got home, my husband scraped the sticker off.
Lunch?
Two of my friends and I have been planning to go to lunch together for a couple of weeks now. Every time we have a day set up, the weather turns nasty that day. We're planning again for this coming Tuesday. I hope the weather will be nice that day. We'll certainly wait and see.
Reading
Although I had a nap this afternoon, I didn't sleep long. But I spent a good bit of time reading. Reading is such a satisfying thing to do. From the very beginning when I learned to read words, I knew it was opening a wonderful world for me.
Mom used to tell people that I was never a problem when I was sick because I just stayed quietly in bed and read and read and read. I just needed to have a supply of books and I had no problem as to how to pass time when I was sick. She never had to deal with the dreaded whining question, "What can I do now? There's nothing to do."
My reading today was good. I'm reading articles in church leadership magazines before I pass them on to our pastor at church. I'm glad that he said he would like to have them. I really hate to just throw them away. There's lots of good reading in them.
Winter Blog
The Erie newspaper this morning had a feature story on blogging away winter blahs. Here are a couple of quotes suggested as worthy to be written in a blog:
"No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn." Hal Borland
"Winter lies too long in country towns; hangs on until it is stale and shabby, old and sullen." Willa Cather
I really like that thought that no spring skips its turn. We are blanketed in snow this morning, with a fresh fall of snow yesterday and over night, but we know for sure, spring is soon here. No spring skips its turn!
The second quote, about winter becoming stale and shabby, --that seems really true, too. But with the fresh snowfall, this part of winter is not stale and shabby, but it will be before winter is over. Our snow has seen some old and shabby days but yesterday took care of that and it's beautiful, white and sparkling again.
However, not everyone will think of this snowfall kindly. The morning newspaper also carries stories of I-90 being the site of many crashes and stalled traffic because of the snow. There was a collision involving four tractor-trailers and at least a half-dozen passenger cars and trucks which shut down a portion of I-90 for 5 hours. This was the biggest problem of more than a dozen accidents that happened on an 11 mile stretch of I-90 in the Erie area. The picture which accompanied the article showed the big semis crumpled over the highway. There were no serious injuries, the article said, --just a big mess.
But here in my quiet side street in Corry, the new snow has fluffed over everything, about 8 more inches of it without causing such problems. It's easily removed and just takes time. I thought my neighbor was away today and I pushed the snow out of the way in the driveway and sidewalk before he came out and fired up the snow blower and finished the job neatly and completely. They had been away to visit Mom but got home again late last night.
I noticed more footprints in the snow this morning but I'm not sure what did make them. I think the squirrel left footprints in the snow on the porch.
Art and Entertainment
My art activity today was to do a pen and ink sketch of (what else?) that barn by Walmart while I watched Jackie Gleason. I drew it from the view one has from the Walmart parking lot. I'm afraid it isn't photo accurate, but maybe it's a charming sketch. I was drawing it to offer it for use on the fundraiser note cards that the Artists' Guild offers for sale each year at the Spring Art Show. It's been a while since I worked at making a pen and ink sketch. It felt really good doing it. I do enjoy drawing trees. There are a lot of trees around the barn.
The Puzzles
It's a very snowy day here in Corry. I know I keep talking about the various things I should be doing but this afternoon, I just took some time to do crossword puzzles. I've been accumulating them and thinking that some time soon I would catch up. Well, this was the day. Now that the lazy afternoon has passed, perhaps I can knuckle down to doing something to show for my time a little better. I'm getting out my artist's pens. That will be a good change of pace.
History and Our Heritage
The main story on the front page of our local newspaper this morning is about a man in Tucson buying a postcard in an antiques store there and sending it to the pastor of the First United Methodist Church here in our town. The postcard was first mailed in 1909 and is a picture of the church at that time. The church was built in 1903 at a cost of $20,000, plus furnishings. The congregation was relocated in 1995. The beautiful windows were carefully taken and used in the new building.
Lowell Joerg found the postcard at an atiques store in Arizona and bought it for $7. He sent it to Pastor Zimmerman with a note saying, "I'll send this home where it can be appreciated. History and our heritage are important to us all."
He also said about the postcard, "Post it up and pass it around. It will cause folks, especially seniors, to comment and make enjoyable conversation." I'm one of the senior who is enjoying commenting on it.
I remember when the congregation was making plans to relocate, my neighbor told me how hard it was for her to vote for the change. "Everything important in my life that ever happened to me, happened in that church building," she said. I knew what she meant, --weddings, births, deaths, spiritual decisions--all were celebrated and memorialized in the church.
Mr. Joerg knows. Our history and our heritage are important to us.
Another Good One
It's been a good day. We had snow today, but not enough to make any difference in travel. The temperature was mild so it was easy to be in and out of the house often without feeling too cold. It was fun having meals with people, --breakfast, lunch and dinner. The visiting dog played well with my dogs and they were fun to watch. We had breakfast at Perkins and my French toast was very good. I tried a bit of apricot syrup and it was pretty good, too. I saw and visited with friends when we went around town doing chores. We got a lot done today. It was a good day.
Snow Fun
Today I had more family members visiting me. In the morning my son shoveled the snow out of the lower driveway so he could park there. It wasn't an easy task for the snow has been deep there for days and days. At the edge of the driveway, it was heavy with ice. He had to get the metal shovel and slice and pound at the ice before he could shovel. I helped a little, doing the light easy surface accumulation. This wasn't really the snow fun.
The snow fun was having the three dogs out in the snow with us. They loved being in the snow and they loved playing with each other. It was fun to watch them romp and play and see them having fun.
Now I look out at the trampled terrain under the critter log and remember the snow fun that we watched this morning.
Longing for Spring
Humans aren't the only ones longing for spring to get here. I'm sure the animals are ready for it, too! I just saw the little chipmunk in our yard by the side porch steps. He was taking great leaps through the snow. Once he sat up tall and looked all around. Then he went leaping on his way toward the neighbor's garage. As much food as those little critters stored away through the summer and fall, surely they aren't out of food now. I think he's checking things over and hoping for spring.
I hadn't seen the chipmunk in the snow before, but I have seen the holes in the snow about three feet apart before. I didn't know what had made them. Now I know. It's the chipmunk, and he's probably hoping for spring.
Doing Chores
It is so much easier to do my around town chores with someone along with me. It's more fun, too. We went to the car repair shop and paid for the work that was done on the Echo to replace the broken sway bar and the inspection. Then we bought 50 pounds of bird seed, for these critters who not only eat from the feeder but "squirrel" some of it away for another day. That's something I can't do alone. No way can I handle 50 pounds of bird seed. That's surprising to me because I can pick up 50 pounds of dog food, even though it takes a lot of effort, but I can't manage 50 pounds of bird seed. Two more stops and getting gas in the car and we came back home. It felt good to get the chores done and I was really glad to get back home again.
Onions
For a long time, as I think I've probably mentioned before, onions have been one of my favorite foods. OK, I don't like them as much as chocolate, but I do like onions. So why, I'm asking myself, do I every now and then forget to buy more when I'm shopping? I'm down to my last onion now and I'd better remember to get more when I'm in the grocery store again. Maybe now that I've written about it, I'll remember the next time I go.
It will soon be time for onion sets to be planted, but right now, I just need a bag of onions from the produce department.
On the Path
This morning I took some newspapers to my backdoor neighbor and I followed my neighbor/mailman path. I was delighted to see that I'm not the only one using the path. There in the fresh skift of snow on top of all the old snow, were dainty deer footprints, quite fresh. But I have yet to see the deer. Still, it delights me to know that it has been coming through my yard and if I ever looked out the window at the right time, I could see it.
The other footprints I saw were rabbit's. I have seen rabbits in our yard before. I don't welcome them at my flower beds or little garden, but so far, rabbits haven't done a lot of damage to my growing things. Teehee, my green thumb neighbor's growing plants are so much more appealing than mine are!
After I examined the footprints of the "wild things," I refilled the pretty blue birdfeeder and used the last of my fall bird seed. The birds are starting to eat at my feeder again, so I'll have to stock up on food for them. That's a happy task. I love to see the birds eating at the feeders.
Never Done, It Seems
Today Dan and I took another car load of clothing to Salvation Army. These were things that my husband had stored away in his closet, hoping that he'd lose some weight and be able to wear them again some day. After we got back home, Dan went into the attic to look for something and the next thing I knew, he had brought down four more boxes of clothing. I'll have to get that ready tomorrow and make another trip to SA. Fortunately, it's a tad less than half a mile away, so it's not a big deal, except that I was thinking that job was very nearly completed. How nice it is to have help this week.
The Berries
Today I finally did what I've been thinking about doing for the last several weeks. I made two blueberry pies. That made for a really nice company dessert, and the bonus is that when I came home from church tonight, I entered a house that smells of blueberry pie. Nice!
Speaking of berries, I recently bought some cherry berry grape tomatoes at the grocery store. They are really good! Since it isn't really tomato season here, I expected them to be so-so. But what a nice surprise it was to find out that these little tomatoes are really good tasting.
Can I Have Some More?
This morning I see that the little birds are back. I'll have to be checking my bird feeder to be sure that it isn't empty. Its beautiful blue top doesn't let me see through it from indoors, to see how much of the seed is gone. But the little birds are eating from the seed scattered on the ground below the feeder. This is not a bad thing, but I wonder if it's a clue that the feeder is empty again and they are asking for some more.
Not Bad at All
We were pleasantly surprised by the weather today. It wasn't nearly as nasty as it might have been. It was windy and very cold but there was no real accumulation of snow and the roads were not bad at all. Sometimes weather forecasts get us stirred up about nothing.
Task Completed
I finished drawing the barns last Saturday and I liked them. But what do I know? I tend to like what I've done, at least right after I've done it. I was hoping that Helen, who asked me to do the barns, would like them, too.
Today she came to see them and she likes them! She just wishes that she'd let me make them a bigger size than she had insisted on. I kept telling her that 5x7 is very small. Now she knows it really is very small, but apart from that, she likes the barns. I've been paid for my work. I am so glad that she liked them.
Nasty Weather
I'm not sure how nasty it is out there this morning. It's still pretty early and the light is dim. I know that the wind is high, that white stuff is in the air, --not big flakes, but misty, fine stuff-- and the road crews are busily working on the streets around the school here. I'm sure it's very unpleasant for anyone who was hoping for sunshine and melting snow. It looks like that's not going to happen today.
Change in Weather
It was warmer today. A lot of ice crashed to the ground from the eaves of the house. It started to rain instead of snowing. In the afternoon the electric blinked off and on several times and then went off for 20 minutes or so. We are thankful that it wasn't off longer. I don't know what's going on in our town that we've been having the electric flicker off and on like this but it has done it at least a couple of days now.
I've been hearing that the weather will be nasty tomorrow, but I'm not sure just how nasty. Will it be more snow, or icy roads, or just cold drizzle? Perhaps a small amount of snow will fall, or maybe a lot of snow will pour down on us. It's interesting to find out what the "nasty" weather will be tomorrow.
Answers
Sorry to say, I was right about the way the book, The Truth About Celia, was going to end. It just muddled on in the same way. Celia was still missing, no idea of what happened to her except the hints that she dropped out of sight into another dimension. So, my own guess is as good as anyone's. I can pretend that the whole thing was a dream and when the father wakes up the next day, he'll appreciate his daughter and wife all the more for the bad dream he had.
I didn't post a "spoiler alert" for this book review because I didn't think you would be reading the book. I hadn't heard about the book, just noticed it in the stacks at the library. I liked the way this author used words and how well he described the emotions which emerge from grief and loss.
I would have liked to have had some of the confusion straightened out for me but I have come to the conclusion that the kind of grief the father was dealing with could and probably did cause him to break with reality and live in another world of his own as he searched for the truth about Celia. For me, that is an answer that explains it.
The barn
This barn is on the west side of Walmart and across the road from the plastics factory. I was near the "glass house" (of the plastics factory) which houses the executive offices. This photo was taken around 4:30 PM and the sunlight was coming from the west. This photo doesn't show how deep the snow is there in front of the barn.
Finding the Answer
Sometimes I have great patience in waiting to find the answer to something that I'm working to find out, --the answer to a puzzle, the conclusion of a story that I'm reading. Other times, I can hardly wait for the answer.
I have on occasion worked on a cryptogram for a couple of weeks, striving to find the answer for myself, unwilling to give up and check the answer page. But there have been times when doing a crossword puzzle that I have thought, "I've spent enough time on this. If I don't know the answer yet, it's bound to be something I don't know at all." Then I check the answer page.
Now I'm reading a book, The Truth About Celia. I'm nearing the end. I have both a driving need to know what happened to Celia, and a need to let things continue as they are. Celia suddenly disappeared one September afternoon when she was 7 years old. It's a novel, but the author has captured the essence of grief and bewilderment and confusion that comes to parents after such a loss. The book is full of conjecture and memories. There are elements of fantasy, too, as the father tries to think of what might have happened.
I am so close to the end of the story and I so want to know what happened to Celia, but I'm writing this instead of reading the end. I suspect that the ending may not be satisfying. It may be more confusion, leaving me wondering what is real and what is not (even though the whole story is fabrication). It may be sad and conclusive. I shall finish the book, but I know that sometimes I don't really want to know. Then I can end the story however I want it to end.
Found Money
This morning while I ate breakfast, because the morning newspaper hadn't been delivered to the house yet, and I usually read something while I eat alone, I took another of Marlin's file folders to look through. And, I found some money.
But what money! This folder contained memoriabilia from missionary conferences held in our churches. And here is a yellow, number 10 envelope from Pittsburgh National Bank, registered mail with return receipt requested. It cost $1.03 to send this envelope to us. It was mailed on June 23, 1969.
With the envelope is an itemized list (from the International Division) of the foreign currencies which they had sent. They sent paper money from 19 countries, charged $12.75 to cover the currency and an additional $1.50 for postage. So, the envelope contains $12.75 but in money from many different countries.
There is money from: Argentina, Brazil, Cambodia, Chile, Colombia, Congo, HongKong, India, Israel, Japan, Jordan, Laos, Lebanon, Peru, Philippines, Viet Nam, Syria, Taiwan and Thailand. There is also a list of what each country named the piece of currency which was sent. Peso, cruzeiro, riel, escudo, peso oro, makuta, dollar, rupee, pound, yen, fils, kip, pound, sole, peso, piaster, pound, NT dollar and baht, respectively.
My husband was full of creative ideas. I do now remember that he had arranged to have this money as a "visual aid" during our missions conference. I had forgotten about it but here it is, packed away in a file folder in a box among many other boxes in a closet. It was a good idea at the time, and perhaps it can be used again to stir people to think about and pray for Christian missions.
Groceries Again
Since I gave away my cheese and my next to last banana last night, I needed to get out and get replacements for them. I put it off until about 5 this afternoon. Sometimes I like to go for groceries, but sometimes I dread it. Lately, it's been more comfortable to just stay home, --but I really wanted those couple of grocery items. So I went out to the store, and it wasn't too bad. I didn't see anyone I knew till I was leaving the store. It was good to see them, a mom and her married daughter, but it was emotional for me because we hadn't seen each other for a couple of weeks at least and they had to ask me how I'm doing. Now, if I could get to the point where I could just turn off my mind and say, "Fine," and change the subject, I wouldn't have to cry. But I sense that they really want to know and I don't want them to ever think that bereavement is an easy journey. Others must soon walk this path that I do and it seems important to me that they understand that it's not an easy path, but with God's help and with the help of friends and family, we receive strength for the day's needs, --every day. It was good to talk for a few minutes to friends. It was also good to bring my groceries home and get settled in for the evening.
Time
In one of the files I went through today, I found this piece about Time that Marlin had saved. It certainly provides food for thought. It's taken from Prayers, by Michael Quoist. First it talks about everyone being in a hurry to get things done and every one, from the child at play to the retired grandparents with their illness and treatments, saying that they don't have time. And then comes this part:
"You who are beyond time,Lord, You smile to see us fighting it. And you know what You are doing.
You make no mistakes in your distribution of time to men.
You give each one time to do what you want him to do.
But we must not lose time, waste time, kill time,
For time is a gift that you give us,
But a perishable gift,
A gift that does not keep.
"Lord, I have time, I have plenty of time,
All the time that You give me,
The years of my life,
The days of my years,
The hours of my days,
They are all mine.
Mine to fill, quietly, calmly,
But to fill completely, up to the brim,
To offer them to you, that of their insipid water
You may make a rich wine such as You made once in Cana of Galilee
"I am not asking You today, Lord, for time to do this and then that,
But your grace to do conscientiously, in the time that You give me, what You want me to do. Amen."
It is a measure of comfort to me that my husband valued this poem and stored it away. I hope it was stored in the fabric of his thought. I know he often did fill his days pretty full. Now it challenges me, to use my time wisely.
Too Early
When I get up too early, I don't get much done. Nothing seems very important at 5 in the morning. So I didn't get up then, but I was awake. Then I read for a while but it was still very early when I got up. I'm supposed to get more things done when I get up early, but often it doesn't work that way for me. I kind of putz around. That's when the good old routine helps a lot. I wouldn't have to think what to do. Just run the routine.
If I go out for a while, I may wake up more. It's really cold here today, 18 degrees. Spring is coming, but not this week.
Dad's Humor
I've been thinking of grammer and I'm remembering one of my dad's favorite jokes. It goes like this:
The teacher was drilling on verb forms with helper verbs. Little Johnny was having trouble with "have gone." Instead of the proper words, he would say, "have went." She asked him to stay after school and write "have gone" on the blackboard 100 times. While he was writing, she left the room for a while. While she was gone, Johnny finished writing his assignment, so, he left a note for the teacher.
"I have finished the writing I was supposed to do and have went home. Johnny."
This joke really tickled my dad's funny bone.
Scavenger Hunt
Tonight a group of kids, with their youth leader, came to our house on a scavenger hunt. They asked for something for pizza toppings and a banana. I gave them my hunk of cheese and one of my bananas.
There were three girls and a boy, and Gene, the youth leader. Before they left, I asked them to tell me their names. I should have grabbed a pencil and written them down because now I'm not sure who all of them were, but I did realize that one girl was mentioned in the local paper this week, saying that she's a member of the high school honors history class that went to Philadelphia this week for an academic competition. They were in a hurry so I didn't get to ask them how that turned out, but I'm sure it will be reported in the newspaper and I'll read about it there.
I told them a little bit about myself and what I'm doing with all this art stuff over my dining room table. As they were leaving, I asked them, "Do you know who I am?" I'm glad that I asked, because, I found out that they didn't know! They stopped at my house, knowing that I'm a friend of the youth group, but didn't know my name. I hope they remember who I am now. I asked them to report to me about this scavenger hunt they are doing. It certainly sounds to me like they are having a feast of sorts after they collect all this stuff! That will make a really neat article for the church newsletter.
Reading
I'm reading the book, The Five Silent Years of Corrie ten Boom. This is a book I read abut 15 years ago. Reading the notes I'd taken while reading the book, I knew I wanted to read the book again. I thought I'd probably gotten the book from the church library, but they didn't have the book, nor did our public library have it. However, my favorite librarian requested the book for me, on interlibrary loan.
I'm enjoying the read but there is something disquieting about it. It makes one wonder what's ahead, down the road leading into the future. Corrie lived so completely to serve and please God. She was disciplined and diligent and lived with a sense of responsibility to share her testimony of how God had blessed and cared for her. One would expect the end of her life to be different, --to be more triumphant and victorious. And yet, it was only her body that didn't experience triumph. Her spirit continued to be triumphant.
In her 80s, she experienced a number of strokes which took away her ability to speak. But she and her helpers devised ways for communication. Though it was limited in scope, she was often able to communicate her needs or desires. In those last years, time slowed down for Corrie and for her helpers. They no longer had a rigid schedule. They savored the moment and took things slow. And still they got work done. Corrie's life was a testimony that her love for God was not related to material blessing, nor physical well being. She had been in prison literally thirty some years before and God brought her through it. Now she was imprisoned in her failing body but her spirit was completely free and ready to be released to be with God. So, this book, too, tells of victory in her life, no matter what the circumstances. Her life motto was, "My times are in His hands." A good motto for each of us.
The Photograph
I did clean off the car and go photograph the barn that I'm needing as a reference point for my latest art work. It was very