Limitations and Waiting
Sometimes I am very surprised at my ineptitude or lack of strength. I try to have a very can-do attitude and usually this attitude gets me through some really tough tasks. I have hammered and sawed and lifted heavy objects and climbed ladders and though it took me longer than someone stronger than I, I have often finished the task and felt proud of myself.
Today I had to replace the light bulb in the fixture over the bath tub. At first I had no idea how to do that. It's well over my head and it's not a convenient place to use a step ladder. I solved the problem by standing on the edges of the tub, straddling it. It didn't feel completely comfortable, but I was extremely cautious. Then I had to pry the cover off the light fixture. That didn't turn out to be as difficult as I expected. From there, it was easy to get a replacement bulb and have the light working again. That was a job which was a little bit demanding. My husband would have done it for us if he were still here. I've never had to replace that bulb, but today, I did it successfully.
But some of the things that are left to me are really beyond my strength or understanding of how to do them. Sometimes explanations show me the way and I learn how to do the task. But some tasks are too heavy for me. It's important for me to realize which things I won't be able to do no matter how hard I try to lift them or move them. My strength is not equal to the task. Then I have to wait for somebody bigger, stronger, smarter than I, or someone to work with me and help me move that immovable object. Sometimes it's hard to wait.
Submitted by
nj
at 4/30/2006 5:37:48 AM- Brenda, Men probably have it just as hard but in a different way. Cooking and laundry can be a real confusion for them but they can go out to eat rather easily. But there are more single women than single men and a man has the option to pursue another mate. I really think if I'd died first that my husband would be married again by now. It's so different for a woman. We have people say that they will help us if we need help, but when we give in and ask for help, we can see that it really does put them out to give up that time to do things for us. It takes time away from their own families. I hate not being a family now. I haven't learned to change the furnace filter. There are things I count on my boys to help with when they can be home for a while. I was really feeling my limitations last night, though I did get through that light bulb deal successfully. I'm close to the edge of helplessness. I hate that.
Submitted by
lorraine
at 5/1/2006 10:27:28 AM- NJ, your feelings about this matter are the same that are often expressed by my mother. As she gets older, she desires help more and more. Things are becoming difficult for her.
I don't understand someone that would offer help and then feel put out. I've always felt that in all situations that the true blessings are in the giving rather than the receiving.
Submitted by
nj
at 5/1/2006 12:07:46 PM- Lorraine, I don't understand either, but maybe people don't understand how much a person like me needs help. Maybe my request came at a bad time, or maybe they are so used to offering and not being taken up on the offer that they aren't really ready do much to help. Or, it's possible that I read the person wrong when I asked for help. I just know it's easier to do it myself, even with the struggle, if I possibly can do it.
Submitted by
mary lou
at 5/1/2006 2:45:41 PM- That must have been a really good bulb if this is the first time since before Marlin died that you have had to change it!!
I used to be a HORSE THere was NOTHING that I couldnt do. and if someone tried to tell me I was a woman and COULDNT, it made me want to do it even more. I am paying for it now though with arthritis in my spine and hips and knees.
I had a husband who was NOT handy. He was SMART but not handy, so I had to fend for myself or it would not get done. And being a Navy wife and him being gone most of the time, It was self preservation to do it myself.
Submitted by
nj
at 5/1/2006 6:45:21 PM- Mary Lou, I can see how you had to do a lot of those handyman things to make everything work. It's too bad it's taken its toll as it has. I am being careful, but then, I really don't press beyond my limitations.
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Nancy,
My husband loved being the handyman in our home. I don't get much joy or satisfaction from trying to complete the tasks he used to do. Though I do manage to change the air filter in my furnace, check the oil in the car and a few other basic maintenance tasks. Changing light bulbs has been a challenge -- it's a job too easy to hire someone for, but more of a challenge than you think -- like the bulb you mentioned -- high above an ackward spot -- I have a couple like that. Who knew? The Yellow pages in our city list numerous "handyman" options - but most charge a minimum of 2 hours at $40/hr -- sometimes you just need help for a few minutes, to move a heavy piece of furniture, or steady the ladder as you change the lightbulb. Do you think men have an easier time being widowers than women have being widows? I sometimes find myself wondering how John would have handled things if he had outlived me.