We Are the Same

I have been noticing, in my grief, that we, the human family, go through grief in the same way, fundamentally.  Oh, there are degrees of grief and there are different ways of expressing it and coping with it, but ultimately, we do have the same thoughts about our loss and the same feelings of sorrow.  Perhaps there is something within us that wants to consider that our own grief is different, --more than someone else's grief, perhaps.  But I am finding out that we all tread the path of grief with the same step.

I visited a message board for widows and I was so impressed to read my own thoughts and words expressed by others.  I discovered that I haven't had an original thought concerning my own mourning.  These others were saying the exact same things that I had said or thought. 

This morning's newspaper carries an article by Lenore Skomal which tells how hard it was for her to clear out her father's possessions from his home after his death.  I found that her thoughts and emotions are exactly what mine are as I deal with what must be done about my husband's possessions.

She speaks of the desire to leave everything the way it was to help to "preserve the feel of him a wee bit longer."  I know that feeling.  She also says, "My father was more than just the sum of these things."  I've felt that, too.  My husband was so much more than the things which he's left behind.  It's hard to dispose of things that he once valued even though they have no actual value. 

She says that the things have lost their meaning now that he has gone.  I feel that.  I love this next sentence, "We were all looking for something that day --a piece of him.  To this end we engaged in too much pack-ratery."  Isn't that a wonderful word, pack-ratery.  It's the pitfall that most of us can't avoid.  It's the thing I am trying to guard against as I make decisions about what to keep, and what to dispose of.  I've got to overcome my own tendencies to be a pack-rat.

Posted by: NJ on 2/24/2005 7:59:57 AM , 8 comments