Startling Sentence
Is it just me, or is there something wrong with this sentence?
"An avid reader, he was a Steelers fan."
I read this sentence in an obituary. I didn't know this man, but I scan obits, and this sentence just jarred, I thought. Now, if the sentence had said that he read every article about the Steelers that he could get hold of, that would be a better sentence. Maybe he did and that fact is implied. Maybe I was a teacher too long.
Submitted by
NJ
at 1/23/2005 8:36:06 PM- There were probably other things, but that sentence stood alone and it seemed to me odd that they put the two ideas together. You're right about grieving relatives writing the obit. It's hard to think straight then. But shouldn't there be an editor who would make the sentences come out right? Thanks for the comment.
Submitted by
John
at 1/24/2005 7:29:24 AM- After the Steelers performance last night, perhaps that sentence makes more sense. You are right though, that even then it should be edited for clarity. Something like, "As a Steelers fan, he was an avid reader."
It would make even more sense if it had said he was a hockey fan. "As a hockey fan, he was an avid reader."
Submitted by
NJ
at 1/24/2005 7:52:37 AM- "As a Steelers fan, he was an avid reader," would only work if the sentence continued, "of football stories." Or something like that. Watching football and reading don't usually go together. I admit that I took a book to the Syracuse-Colgate game long ago and while Syracuse romped to a 48-0 win, I sat in the stands and read my book. I heard someone remark, "Boy, she's really interested in the game." I didn't care. I was there to hear the band at halftime. But then my sentence would have had to be, "Not being a football fan, she was an avid reader." As an editor, I would have made those two sentences separate. "An avid reader, he enjoyed ----- (mystery? whatever) books. He was also a Steelers fan . ." That sentence could end with somethng like, "and never missed watching a game." He could also be an avid reader and collect first edition books, or whatever reading meant to him.
I'm afraid my obit could say, "As a teacher, she felt she had to correct everything!" Oh, I hope not!
Submitted by
John
at 1/24/2005 12:27:05 PM- Since you are not a football fan, you missed the irony. When your team loses badly, you'd rather read just about anything than watch. A fan in my house changed the channel and left the room to do just that last night.
I'll take your obit wording suggestion under consideration. Though not for a long time, Lord willing.
I think the geese mentioned here are also teachers since they are always 'checking' things as they fly along. That is of course the reason one leg of the V is longer
Submitted by
NJ
at 1/24/2005 2:01:14 PM- Ah, I see now about the wording of the sentence. My friend from Maine thought it was a great game.
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I agree, that is an odd thing to say. He was a Steelers fan and an avid reader. If those are the only two memorable qualities, I think that is fine. Otherwise, It should be written differently. It probably doesn't help that a grieving relative is usually the person that writes the obituary.